Something Personal!

Why do I think I am stupid? Perhaps it's because I make a fool of myself again and again. But from foolery comes enlightenment. And enlightenment is the goal, right?

So yes, in the quest for enlightenment, I've made the same mistakes repeatedly and frequently but none so rewarding as trusting people. Yes, very few chosen one but I've trusted people; I trusted them to grow beyond what they are and with all my might and my skill and all that I've got I tried to inspire and encourage them to do so. I wanted them to change, to move on or to move off, I don't mind that, you see? But they, they just held on to me while they stayed. They wanted me to stop.

Perhaps, I was happy with them but I've often felt the fleeting nature of happiness and hence I never preferred staying. And then they say I can't build relationships which at times, I've felt too. But I can build relationships, I can create structures and I like creation. It's just that I don't want to stay in what I created. When I can always create something else, why would I be not doing it?

I don't know, perhaps learning to stay might be the right way but I can't stand the silence, the silence that always ensues through inactivity. Like that, I like silence which lets you free but not the kind that consumes you and traps you inside its hollowness. And if you have observed, you can't do much, if you are trapped, other than yell and complain.But who knows? Perhaps, I am stupid for thinking like this. Perhaps, I am stupid for thinking at all.  

And yeah, you might be thinking what kind of enlightenment did I get from doing this. It's a difficult question. Or perhaps the question is simple enough but the answer? You might want to find your answer yourself because I am not telling you! :D      

From A Crowded Street...

As I walk through the crowded streets, horns screeching behind me and people loitering around me, I wondered with disdain the terrible lack of purpose or identity in the vile lives of these people.

But somehow and suddenly I asked myself, who am I to condescend? What is my identity? What purpose do I fulfil?

Interesting and intriguing thought, eh? As the long road with its monotonous pattern of potholes crawls beneath me, my thoughts assumed a similar path, never reaching a turning or a junction. And abruptly it reminded me of a bookseller I had met a few days back who said that one’s life is for doing and doing is all that we do and nothing else matters.

Ok, so does that mean ‘doing’ is the purpose of life? Then what should I do? Since I don’t much encourage myself to think about future, I thought about today and I decided that I should write a poem today.

Ah! Then my purpose at this moment is to write a poem. What about my identity? Am I a poet?

Perhaps yes; perhaps no. I am in the process to begin thinking about writing a poem. But I have written some poems already, so does that make me a poet? Or am I a poet only when I am writing a poem? Perhaps I am a poet when I am enjoying myself while writing a poem and when I satisfy myself almost to the point of saturation by completing what I started.

Then I am a poet only for myself and my identity as a poet is only for that moment, isn’t it?
What am I after that? Just a mass of interlinked organic matter?
Oh! Come on! I crave to be more than that!

My thoughts don’t go any further. So, as of yet, I conclude that every moment that passes bestows on me a new identity which constitute to form a set of similar successive identities identified as ‘Sarath Warrier’ by my environment due to the similar kind of relationship that this self-conscious, egocentric mass of interlinked organic matter exercises with his surrounding environment.
    

Now that we have reached a conclusion about me, you might want to think about the ‘vile people’.

By the way, Who are YOU?