Something Personal!

Why do I think I am stupid? Perhaps it's because I make a fool of myself again and again. But from foolery comes enlightenment. And enlightenment is the goal, right?

So yes, in the quest for enlightenment, I've made the same mistakes repeatedly and frequently but none so rewarding as trusting people. Yes, very few chosen one but I've trusted people; I trusted them to grow beyond what they are and with all my might and my skill and all that I've got I tried to inspire and encourage them to do so. I wanted them to change, to move on or to move off, I don't mind that, you see? But they, they just held on to me while they stayed. They wanted me to stop.

Perhaps, I was happy with them but I've often felt the fleeting nature of happiness and hence I never preferred staying. And then they say I can't build relationships which at times, I've felt too. But I can build relationships, I can create structures and I like creation. It's just that I don't want to stay in what I created. When I can always create something else, why would I be not doing it?

I don't know, perhaps learning to stay might be the right way but I can't stand the silence, the silence that always ensues through inactivity. Like that, I like silence which lets you free but not the kind that consumes you and traps you inside its hollowness. And if you have observed, you can't do much, if you are trapped, other than yell and complain.But who knows? Perhaps, I am stupid for thinking like this. Perhaps, I am stupid for thinking at all.  

And yeah, you might be thinking what kind of enlightenment did I get from doing this. It's a difficult question. Or perhaps the question is simple enough but the answer? You might want to find your answer yourself because I am not telling you! :D      

A Monologue!

I think I am still the camel turning into the lion, and the child is awaiting me.

Smile dear brother, smile. Not that innocent smile, the crooked smile. Because we all know! We are all part of that horde we call humanity. Don’t be reluctant! Let the putrid smell of humanity be inhaled. Let it stink. Let not our fake innocence deceive us anymore!

Why do you fret? Is it because I have seen the ugly truth? But didn't you know it all the while? Wasn't that our legacy all along?

Think about our civilisations, our cultures.
Don’t they make you proud anymore? Why? Is it because of the lies they were built upon – lies more evanescent than the clouds? Or are you thinking about what all have we not done to keep these lies sacred?

And yet we reek of honesty! Is that the reason for your apprehension?
Don’t worry about honesty, dear brother. It’s a pungent parable for the prosaic of lives.
Don’t go behind it, it blandishes the mind with rewards so resplendent that it has blinded many an eye.

Remember those wars; those thousands of wars, millions of killings. The rains have washed away the stains from the body and the ground but what of the heart? What could ever erode the sins of the heart?

Oh, the regret, the remorse, the guilt!

Now read me about your virtues. Why? You feel they are sardonic?

But isn't that inherently human? Aren't we the temporal always in search of the eternal? So why would our values be anything more?

Once, we found faith. We explored it. Weren't our lives entirely dependent on it for a while? But then we used it – each one of us used it for ourselves. And now we are against it. But by then we found reason. We are exploring it. But how much time, do you think, would it take for man to turn against reason?

Why have you burdened your soul with loads not your own?  Aren't you weary? Perhaps you are lost. Verily, it’s time for you to leave yourself so that you can seek yourself. Let the gospels and the facts be forgotten, but let not yourself be drifted into oblivion under their veils.

You are here in the river of time. Let the stinking smell be washed off.
There are fishes and parasites, don’t let them drag you and harm you, for they are envious of those who want to fly. Be above and beyond them for you struggle against yourself for yourself.

Now, won’t you go? It’s time for you to craft your horizon!

P.s.: Inspired from Friedrich Nietzsche's 'Thus Spoke Zarathustra' The first line is in reference to the book.