Something Personal!

Why do I think I am stupid? Perhaps it's because I make a fool of myself again and again. But from foolery comes enlightenment. And enlightenment is the goal, right?

So yes, in the quest for enlightenment, I've made the same mistakes repeatedly and frequently but none so rewarding as trusting people. Yes, very few chosen one but I've trusted people; I trusted them to grow beyond what they are and with all my might and my skill and all that I've got I tried to inspire and encourage them to do so. I wanted them to change, to move on or to move off, I don't mind that, you see? But they, they just held on to me while they stayed. They wanted me to stop.

Perhaps, I was happy with them but I've often felt the fleeting nature of happiness and hence I never preferred staying. And then they say I can't build relationships which at times, I've felt too. But I can build relationships, I can create structures and I like creation. It's just that I don't want to stay in what I created. When I can always create something else, why would I be not doing it?

I don't know, perhaps learning to stay might be the right way but I can't stand the silence, the silence that always ensues through inactivity. Like that, I like silence which lets you free but not the kind that consumes you and traps you inside its hollowness. And if you have observed, you can't do much, if you are trapped, other than yell and complain.But who knows? Perhaps, I am stupid for thinking like this. Perhaps, I am stupid for thinking at all.  

And yeah, you might be thinking what kind of enlightenment did I get from doing this. It's a difficult question. Or perhaps the question is simple enough but the answer? You might want to find your answer yourself because I am not telling you! :D